2013-02-09

Clever kitchen implements

Over the years I have gotten various "cleverly designed" kitchen implements.  I have a clever pizza cutter, a clever tin opener (that costs more than my first motorized vehicle(*)), a clever tea infusion ... thing.  The list goes on.  All of them gifts from well-meaning individuals.   None of which appear to cut pizza, open tins or make tea.

Of course: none of these implements work.

The pizza cutter is an awkward design that makes it hard to not hurt yourself -- let alone cut pizza.

Nobody knows how the tin opener works.  Probably by some form of black magic, because making it work invariably involves generous amounts of loud blaspheming and some measure of gesticulating angrily.

Finally, there is the tea infusion ... thing. While looking somewhat promising, the opening to facilitate contact between tea and water is so narrow your tea is in no danger of becoming even the least bit damp.  By the time your water has taken on observable coloration, the water is cold and most of it has evaporated.

I have drawers more of clever kitchen implements.

If I may I'd like to make two suggestions:
  1. Don't buy me clever kitchen implements.   Please.  They'll just end up at the back of a drawer and jam when I try to close the drawer.  Buy me battle-hardened stuff that actually works.
  2. If you are an industrial designer and you feel like designing something for the kitchen: please don't.  It is extremely unlikely that you'll manage to design something that is significantly more useful than a sharpened stick.
Next week we will discuss the Audi 1.8 litre inline-4 petrol engine versus the 2 litre, inline-4 Alfa Romeo Nord engine and ask the question why Audi allowed a village idiot to design such an unsightly lump of misery and why this miserable ode to impotence was ever fitted to a car.  Stay tuned.

(*) Okay, so my first motorized vehicle only cost NOK 25.  It was a 50cc Vespa scooter that was stuck in first gear and I could pedal my bicycle faster than this thing would move at max rpm.  I bought this off the village idiot.


I am unsure if he went on to a career in the german automotive industry.

3 comments:

  1. http://www.ebay.com/itm/BANANA-SLICER-CUTTER-CHOPPER-for-Fruit-Salad-Sundaes-Cereal-kitchen-tools-helper-/221172106591?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item337ee2855f

    This is the best kitchen-thingy I have ever seen. I bought one for each household in my extended family for christmas 2011. I am pretty sure none of them have ever used it :-)

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  2. http://www.ebay.com/itm/BANANA-SLICER-CUTTER-CHOPPER-for-Fruit-Salad-Sundaes-Cereal-kitchen-tools-helper-/221172106591?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item337ee2855f

    This is the best kitchen-thingy I have ever seen. I bought one for each household in my extended family for christmas 2011. I am pretty sure none of them have ever used it :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have a cleverly-designed single-purpose kitchen implement that's intended to slice cheese. It slices cheese, in fact, quite well.

    Thanks again for it; we still use it, and bring it out now and then to teach Americans of the glory of gjetost.

    ;'>

    ReplyDelete